President Biden Creates Task Force Tasked With Creating Task Forces

WASHINGTON, DC — President Joe Biden recently signed a major executive order to create a task force that will work on creating other task forces in his administration. “It’s very important that we get a group of people together who can do the important work of getting groups of people together,” the statement about the order said. Amidst an ongoing pandemic, a decimated economy, and racial unrest, the move signals the Biden administration’s commitment to being committed to their work. In a subsequent call with some of his administration’s leaders, President Biden said that, “The creation of this task force is a major change from the Trump administration, in which they had no task forces. I think both Republicans and Democrats can agree that having a task force that can make more task forces will force the hand of these task forces to finally do the tasks that they need to be forced to do,” before running out of bureaucratic jargon. This move comes just hours after the administration’s announcement that they’ll be implementing some implementations shortly.

Cornell Protests Omission From College Admissions Cheating Scandal News

Cornell’s administration is furious after they claim to have been omitted from the list of top schools disciplined from the college admissions cheating scandal, which included Yale and Princeton, among others. “So many people have cheated to get into Cornell!” a top-ranking administration member told us. “In the past two years alone, we’ve accepted over $100 in donations to admit 2 students. It’s not like no one wants to come to this school. We’re one of the best schools in the nation, and we’re definitely as good as the other Ivies, like Yale and Princeton. Probably better than most, if not all of them. Definitely better than Yale and Princeton. In fact, we encourage admissions cheating here. That’s what sets us apart from other, inferior schools. Like Yale and Princeton.” It remains to be seen if schools such as the University of Miami, or “The Ivy of Florida,” come forward with similar accusations.